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MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY by CONTENTS Chapter 1.
INTRODUCTION 2. THE
CONCEPT OF MARRIAGE 3. THE
ROLE OF THE HUSBAND/FATHER IN THE FAMILY 4. THE
ROLE OF THE WIFE/MOTHER IN THE FAMILY 5. THE
ROLE OF THE CHILDREN IN THE FAMILY 6.
CONCLUSION SELECTED BIBLIOGRAPHY CHAPTER 1 INTRODUCTION Certain aspects of life cannot be
controlled. Genetic makeup, race, or size cannot be chosen. A person cannot
choose in what city or country he or she was born and raised and has freedoms
or social restrictions he or she cannot control. A person did not select his or
her parents, grandparents, or brothers and sisters. Even the initial religious
training and social status was out of his or her control. Nevertheless, each
person negotiates his or her destiny-- believing this, rejecting that, or
pursuing other elements that shape the future. As a person searches for his or
her own identity, questions like this are asked: What is the only comfort in life
and death? What is the chief end of human life? What are people by nature? In
whom do people believe? As Christians, the answers lie in Scripture. The
answers are based upon who Christ is and what he has done. Yet, at the same
time, equally viable within Scripture is a very public influence on the life of
the believer and church. The life of faith is not purely subjective; it is not
allowed to follow its own private thoughts and opinions without restriction
(lest it becomes biblically unsound). Rather, the believer is instructed in
what he or she is to believe and how he or she is to live, sometimes very
clearly and directly with little room for difference, and other times more
indirectly, with a wider horizon for personal input. A
topic of scripture that has been perceived to be indirect in scripture and
reexamined in the last decade is the concept of marriage and family. Attracted
by the world=s
acceptance and a national obsession with fairness, Christians have replaced the
once-clear biblical boundaries between the concept of marriage, role of the
husband/father in the family, role of the wife/mother in the family, and the
role of the children in the family with a confusing and frighteningly secular
mixture. Christians need to set aside prevailing-cultural standards and apply
the biblical principles for these roles. The aim of this study is to set forth
the biblical purpose of the above elements in marriage and the family.
Discovering the beauty, balance, and benefits of God=s
unique role for each person can enable the family to communicate the gospel in
ways that positively impact the people around them. CHAPTER
2 THE CONCEPT OF MARRIAGE In
the past twenty years marriage has radically changed or has been eliminated
altogether. This change is based on the notion that marriage has failed to meet
people=s needs,
and that men and women no longer need such an institution to live productive,
satisfying lives. Those who do decide to marry bail out, instead of putting
forth effort to make their marriage succeed. God, however, created marriage for
the purposes of man=s
completeness, godly offspring, and, most importantly, to reflect the image of
God to those around them. Despite
the growing amount of dissatisfaction in this union, God created marriage for
the happiness and completeness of man. God stated in Gen. 2:18, AAnd the Lord God said, >It is not
good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.=@[1]
God never intended for man to be alone and created a woman for man=s companionship. Woman was taken out of
a man, then presented to man in order to complete him.
In this completeness man and woman become one flesh under God. Within this concept
of the one flesh model, exists a self-realization that brings them closer to
Christ-likeness. In the evaluation of the relationship each partner comes to
the realization that he or she falls short of being the person Christ would
have them to be. Being together does not just mean spending time in the same
physical vicinity. Dr. Robert C. Roberts explained the one flesh model in these
terms, @Ideally it means sharing activities that are characteristic
of each of them in their individualities. It means getting significantly into
each other=s lives.
It means embedding their bond in the larger common bond of the God
also intended marriage to produce godly offspring. Malachi stated in Mal. Lastly,
God=s purpose in marriage is to be a whole
unit to reflect the image of God.[6]
His desire is for the relationship to mirror him. The relationship between one
man and one woman should be that which represents God to the world.[7]
Marriages that are standing above the cultural drift will point lost people to
Christ. When people look at a Christian marriage they should be able to see
God. They should see him through the forgiveness of sins between the couple,
the unity, harmony, and peace between the couple, and the purity and holiness
in faithfulness between the couple. God
created marriage, not man. AFrom
the first chapters of Genesis through virtually all of the New Testament
insights come from God=s
revelation assisting couples to live creatively and happily together.@[8]
So, to understand marriage Christians have to come to it from his perspective.[9]
Christians should no longer look at marriage through human eyes. Christians
should shape their marriages so that they would be a couple marked by God in
order to spread his saving grace through the completeness he creates between
them, the godly offspring they have, and more significantly, to reflect the
image of God. The next three sections will be an examination of the godly
perspective of the roles that create marriage and family such as Father/ Husband,
Wife/Mother, and Child. CHAPTER 3 THE ROLE OF HUSBAND/FATHER IN THE FAMILY Paul devotes nine verses to explain
the husband=s duty to
submit to his wife through his love for her: AHusbands,
love your wives, just as Christ loved the church,@
(Eph. One
example that Christ gives husbands is the depth of love Christ has for the
Church. The Apostle Paul, in Rom. 5:7-8, conveyed the depth of Christ=s love for the church: AFor scarcely for a righteous man will
one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. But God
demonstrates his own love for us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ
died for us.@ The
divine standard of love is infinitely high. This sacrificial love that Christ
had for the church is the love husbands are expected to have for their wives.
Many marriages are based on physical attractiveness or some other positive
characteristic. But, that love becomes fickle because the moment the characteristic
disappears, the love disappears. God=s
love is different and is recorded in Rom. The
second example Christ gives husbands is Christ=s
sacrificial love of the church in order to purify it. Paul explained this
purifying in Ephesians 5:26-27: AThat
he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that
he might present her to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle
or any such thing, but that she would be holy and without blemish.@ When you love someone, that person=s purity is your goal. AYou cannot love a person and at the
same time want to defile him or her.@3 Christ=s great love for his Church does not
allow him to be content with sin. But, he does not simply condemn wrong in
those he loves. He seeks to cleanse them from it. It is with the same purpose
as Eph. 5:26-27 that husbands are to cultivate the purity, righteousness, and
sanctity of their wives. Another
aspect of the husband=s
divine love for his wife is to love her in the same way as he loves himself: ASo husbands ought to love their own
wives as their own bodies, he who loves his wife loves himself; For no one ever
hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the
church@ (Eph.
5:28-29). When the body has needs, they must be met. Likewise, when a husband=s wife has needs, he should meet them
just as diligently.4
People have a sense of well being when their bodies are cared for, and husbands
can experience a sense of well-being when they take care of the needs of their
wives. Fourthly,
for husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church they must love them
with an unbreakable love.5
One barrier that can break a marriage is the failure of a man to Aleave... father and mother and cleave
to his wife.@6 A new family begins with a
marriage and the relationship between child and parent should be severed as far
as authority and responsibilities are concerned. David McLaughlin stated that
many times men successfully leave their parental authority, but fail to cleave
to their wife. As a result these men tend to direct their responsibilities onto
that which they cleave (golf, work, church activities), rather than their wife.7 Another barrier that can
break the love of a husband is divorce. God hates divorce because it destroys
what He ordained to be unbreakable. Another barrier is that which violates a
man=s wife. As Christ is one with the
Church, a husband who harms his wife and violates and destroys his marriage
violates and destroys himself.8 The
sacredness of marriage is what motivated Paul to write these directives to
husbands. Paul makes it clear that until husbands demonstrate these four
patterns of love, they cannot successfully fulfill their duties to their wives
such as to instruct her, honor her, confer with her, provide for her, and rule
over her. As
for the role of the father in the family, Jesus taught, just as the heavenly
Father, loves unconditionally, forgives without strings attached, and gives
abundantly, so should the father in the family towards his children (Lk. 15:11-32). God presents a tender side to fatherhood in
the Bible: A temple official came to Jesus frantic for his daughter=s healing (Matt. Sadly,
the characteristics of fathers today follow an end times
prediction. David W. Cloud stated, ATwo of the characteristics of the end times are that men
will be >without
natural affection= and >trucebreakers=
(2 Tim. 3:3). This prophecy is fulfilled today! The lack of natural affection
is evident by the heartless manner in which many fathers treat their children.@10
CHAPTER 4 THE ROLE OF THE WIFE/MOTHER IN THE FAMILY The
Census Bureau reports on household and family characteristics that,
proportionally, fewer households are family households. Thirty-five percent of
households are considered non-family households (one person living without
relatives, primarily people living alone.)1
It could be assumed that a majority of these non-family households are single
men living alone. The In
addition, 33 percent of 3,914,953 births in 1998 will be put into some kind of
childcare outside the home. The Woman, however, was not an afterthought. The
man was designed and created physically, emotionally, socially, and spiritually
with her coming in mind.5 This design by God was to benefit the man and
woman in marital relationship. Typically, men seek a wife for all the wrong
reasons, such as looks, accomplishments, style, success, money, or education,
so that the relationship that God intended them to have is unfulfilled. God
desires a man to look for a woman with virtue, strength of character, spiritual
excellence, and internal godliness. No
other passage of Scripture gives a clearer model of virtue than Prov. 31. MacArthur stated, AHere we see
more than a wife in the role of a homemaker: we see her as the complete woman
God designed her to be.@6 The role of the woman in the
family is to care for children, do good works, and teach others. Obviously
God does not want all women to be mothers. Some are childless for his own purposes. However, as a general rule, motherhood is
the greatest contribution a woman can make to the human race. More than a job
or responsibility, mothering is ministry. It takes work and sacrifice. In I
Tim. 2:15, Paul taught about the influence women can have if they pursued their strengths: ABut she shall be saved in childbearing
if they continue in faith and love; and holiness, with self-control.@ As David McLaughlin stated, APaul does not teach that although women
precipitated the Fall, women are preserved from that
stigma through child birth. A woman led the human race into sin, yet women
benefit mankind by replenishing it.@7 Women have the opportunity
to lead people to godliness through their influence on their children. As
mothers, women should exhibit faith, love, and holiness, and do this with
self-control. God has a plan for mothers: in the morning read God=s word to the child, at mealtime give
attention to meeting physical needs, when outside teach the child the beauty of
creation, and at bedtime pray and give assurance to the child.8 Far from being second-class
citizens, women have the primary responsibility for rearing godly children so
they may pass on a godly heritage. In
addition to raising children, wives are responsible for hospitality and to be
active in charitable work. Offering welcome, food and rest, and showing
kindness to strangers are some ways women can offer hospitality through seeking
to serve others.9 The Proverbs
woman Aextends
her hand to the poor; and she stretches out her hands to the needy...and on her
tongue is the law of kindness@
(Prov. 31:20, 26). Many people are hurting and in
need of some sincere kindness. In meeting this need women can share Christ with
them. Tony Campolo once asked a homeless person if
there were anything he could do for him, admitting that he expected to be hit
for some money. Instead, the man said, AYou could give me a hug.@10
Paul stated in 1 Tim. 5:10, 14, A[Woman]
reported for good works: if she has brought up children, if she has lodged
strangers, if she has washed saint=s
feet, if she has relieved the afflicted, if she has diligently followed every
good work.@ Showing
love toward strangers requires vulnerability and can even be dangerous because
some may take advantage of the kindness shown. While God does not ask women to
discard wisdom and discernment in dealing with strangers (Matt. Man
is made to give a physical aspect to the family such as discipline, provision,
and direction, while the woman tends to give more beauty, sensitivity, and
kindness to the family.11
Because God has made man with a more physical outlook, it is important that the
wife teach and encourage each family member to be hospitable to those in need. Teaching
begins with character: AStrength
and dignity are her clothing, and she shall rejoice in the time to come. She
opens her mouth with wisdom...@(Prov. 31:25). Dignity and strength are both foundational to
her as a teacher. If she were not dignified and strong, her children would not listen to her.
In the Old Testament, as well as today, women were a vital link in teaching
their own children and mentoring younger women. Scripture also calls the father
to be the teacher in the home. But, that does not preclude the reality that the
mother will daily apply the truth of life to her children.12 CHAPTER 5 THE ROLE OF THE CHILDREN IN THE FAMILY Current
statistics show that society has turned against children. The Census Bureau
reported, that fewer
households are family households than in 1970. In 1994, only 25 percent of
households were married couples with children, and 29 percent of families were
married couples without children. (Most likely those
percentages have increased greatly in 1998.)1 Out of the one and a half
million children allowed to be born each year, two thousand will die by
parents-- by way of drowning, burning, or being thrown out of a window.
One-third of the children born are put in foster homes because they are
unwanted and mistreated. Thirty thousand to fifty thousand children born are
used for pornography. Millions are left at home while mothers go to work. Time magazine reported that 70 percent
of parents would not have children if they could do it over again, reporting, Achildren are
to much of a nuisance.@2 Hostility exists towards
children in current times as well as in ancient times. Roman
law held that a man had absolute power over the family. He could sell his
children into slavery, as well as execute them as punishment. When a child was
born, he or she would be set before the father=s
feet and if the father stooped to lift the child, the child would live. But, if
the father turned and walked away, the child would be put out into the streets
to die or be taken into prostitution.3
Amy
and Eric Guttensohns got a glimpse of society=s view on children when their doctor
suggested that he Aselect@ some of their quintuplets to die so
that others could survive. The Guttensohns also
received suggestions that this would be the best thing to do for financial
reasons as well.4 Raising
children is more than just providing for their physical needs. AGod calls each offspring a >gift,=
a >fruit,=and a >reward.=5
The birth of a child is not taken lightly by the Lord. AEach
one is viewed by God as a transfer of love from His heart to the couple receiving
the gift.@6 Eve believed children were
from God and stated in Gen. 4:1, @I
have acquired a man from the Lord.@
And, in Gen. 4:25, Eve gave credit to God, not Adam, for the birth of her third
son: AAnd Adam
knew his wife again, and she bore a son and named him Seth, >For God has appointed another seed
for me instead of Abel, whom Cain killed.=@ God never wastes parents. He does not Adump@
kids into homes. Children are important to God and Christian families should place the same importance in raising their children. God places each child in a family in order to defeat selfishness, to draw a standard, to teach about the relationship between God the Father, and Christ the Son, and to glorify God to the next generation. Many
couples choose not to have children because of selfish reasons. They feel that
children would get in the way of their toys. And, those who do decide to have
children often do so because they want Ato
love without conditions and to be loved without conditions.@7
Still, others have children to build up their egos. The choice of having children should not be
based on financial or emotional needs. God will provide for the needs of
children; not wants but needs. God often uses children in a couple=s life to
defeat their selfishness. Dr. Robert C. Roberts, a professor of Psychology at
Wheaton College, stated, AChildren
can remind us of our kinship with every human being, calling us to acts of
self-sacrifice, self-denial, and self-emptying such as are essential to our
development as persons . . ..@8 The decision to have children might make a
couple choose a lesser life style or lesser professional prestige. But, God
will have a crown for those couples who put aside their selfish wants in order
to invest in a child=s
life so that the child can be a godly legacy. The Psalmist stated, ABlessed is he
who=s quiver is full of them,@ (Ps.127:5). So, what is the role of
the child in the family? Dennis Rainey stated, AIf I am allowed to have my own way, I will.@9
Parents cannot successfully raise children without defeating their own
selfishness. God gave parents children to help them grow up. As parents see
their selfishness in their own lives, they have to correct it before they can
correct it in their children. In doing so, they set standards for themselves
and for their children. Many
couples want to have children to leave a legacy or to show the pride of having
a child to others. But, God calls Christians to have children so that the
parents would keep his standards of living. The reason parents draw a line on
issues is because of the children God has given them. AChildren
challenge your driving habits, your viewing habits, and your word habits.@10
Every standard the couple has shows the children a model and gives them
boundaries, just as the heavenly Father has shown the parents boundaries
through Jesus Christ his Son. God
gives couples children so that parents can have an illustration of the love
relationship with the heavenly Father. MacArthur
stated, AGod
wants parents to love their children, which involves making personal sacrifices
for the benefit of their children. Remember, loving your children is not based
on emotion. Rather, it is your responsibility to pour yourself into your child=s life so that he or she grows up to
love Christ.@11 How the parent loves a child is an
illustration of how much God loves the parent. And, how much a child loves a
parent shows how much a child of God loves God. But, most importantly, how much
the parent loves the child illustrates how much God the Father loves Christ the
Son. AParents
are reminded of the depth and height and breath of God=s love for them, and in a unique way
they experience the true joy of parenthood.@12 In this way, the love for the
child and love for Christ is passed on to the next generation. Many
couples choose to have children in order to pass along what they have learned
or truth they have attained. But, if parents have not found the truth (Jesus
Saves), then they cannot share in the godly purpose of having children. God has
called parents not to merely bear children, but to produce godly seed--to be
armed with the word of God. God wants children to be purposely raised to spread
the gospel. Christian children represent a legacy to the next generation. The
future of the nation lies in the home. Those
men and women who have no children mean a great deal to God=s kingdom because he gives them the
freedom to serve in a unique way. Many times, God gives men and women the
inability to have children to get them out of their busy lives and into Scripture.
The ultimate-call to man and woman is Athe
just shall live by faith alone,@
(Heb 2:4 ). If God commanded man and woman to mentor
children, he will find a way for it. One great blessing in situations like this
is for a couple to reach out to children by adoption and share the love of
Christ with lonely children. God
also gives parents children so as a couple they can come together in parenting.
As issues begin to rise, the parents come together on common ground in order to
discipline the children. The enemy is attacking in Christians= attitudes toward children. Many Christians are taking a worldly view in having children. They are looking to selfish attitudes toward having children. This approach puts parenting on a lesser level than God intended it to be. Parenting is not just providing for physical needs and emotional needs, but to give children a mission--to glorify the Lord to future generations. CHAPTER 7 CONCLUSION The
Apostle Paul, thinking of church-related powers and achievements, warns against
their potential emptiness: AIf
I speak in the tongues . . . of angels,
but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have
prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and, if I
have faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I
give away all I have, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but have not love,
I gain nothing@ (1 Cor. 13:1-3). If spiritual emptiness is possible for
preachers, evangelists, prophets and martyrs, how much more for people who give
themselves without reservation to making money, successful careers, fame, and
influence? A person who lacks the love for his or her family and puts all
effort into worldly accomplishments is Anothing@ or Agains
nothing@, despite
all other achievements. The
concept of marriage and family is disintegrating as the new millennium
approaches. And the church is in danger of following the world=s lead when it comes to the roles of
men and women. Succumbing to that type of compromise not only treads on God=s specific design, but also ruins, the
church=s
opportunities for offering an alternative to those people dissatisfied by the
world=s
standards. The
previous chapters have been an examination of the character qualities that
characterize holy living in all roles of the family, whether husband or wife,
father or mother, or child or sibling. His commands leave little doubt to the
requirements of holy living within the family. If his commandments are
fulfilled, the family will be blessed. But more than that, following the roles
God has set within the family will bring other persons involved closer to the
understanding of Christ and what he has done. The impact of the lives of men
and women who bear the Lord=s name is vital to the credibility of the faith and the
effectiveness of personal witness and outreach. Men and women are different by
God=s design, and the ultimate purpose for
that design displays the beauty and order inherent in God=s creation. To do anything different
brings reproach to God=s
name, and gives opponents reason to criticize his ways. People were not created to center their lives
on themselves, but to center their lives on others in love. God has created
marriage and family as an opportunity for people to work through the natural
and sinful tendencies, in order that they become more concerned with others
than for themselves. The
concept of marriage and family are not to be determined according to modern
cultural or social trends. Rather, Scripture is to be the final authority in
all matters of faith and conduct (2 Tim. And thus, Christians need to commit themselves to upholding the concept of the family as God=s original and primary means of producing offspring and thus passing on godly values from generation to generation. BIBLIOGRAPHY Books Barna, George. The 1994-95 Barna
Report: Virtual Clarke,
Adam. Adam Clarke=s
Commentary on the Whole Bible. The Bethany
Parallel Commentary on the Old Testament. Graham,
Billy. Christian Worker=s
Handbook. Hieth, William
A., Gordon J. Wenham. Jesus and Divorce.
Henry,
Matthew. Matthew Henry=s
Commentary on the Whole Bible. Jamieson,
Fausset, Brown. The Jamieson, Fausset,
Brown Commentary. The Bethany Parallel Commentary on the
Old Testament. MacArthur, John. Different by Design: Discovering God=s Will for Today=s Man and Woman. Patterson,
Dorothy Kelly, ed.. The Woman=s Study Bible. Roberts,
Robert C. Taking the Word to Heart. Swindoll, Charles. Strengthening Your
Grip: Essentials in an Aimless World. |
