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What is a Marriage? By Massimo Lorenzini The task of defining marriage is an ethical question. And Christian ethics is the study of the way of life that conforms to the will of God. The primary way we know the will of God is from the study of the Word of God. The recent debate about same-sex marriage in the U.S. prompts us to take a closer look at what God’s Word teaches about marriage since He is the one who created it. A correct understanding of the institution of marriage is critical because marriage and the family functions as the basic building block of human society. This is a fact of history as social researcher Amitai Etzioni has written, “There never was a society throughout all of history . . . without a family as the central unit for launching the education of children, for character formation, and as the moral agent of society.” Even the United Nations recognized this in their Universal Declaration of Human Rights (1948) which states, “Men and women of full age . . . have the right to marry and found a family . . . . The family is the natural and fundamental group unit of society and is entitled to protection by society and the State” (Art. 16.1, 3). History also reveals that nations decline and eventually die when sexual immorality becomes rampant and the traditional family is discarded in favor of group sex, homosexuality, infidelity, and unrestrained sexual hedonism. British Anthropologist J.D. Unwin,
in his 1934 book, Sex and Culture,
chronicled the historical decline of numerous cultures. Unwin
Unwin studied 86 different cultures throughout
history and discovered a surprising fact: No nation that rejected monogamy in
marriage and pre-marital sexual chastity lasted longer than a generation after
it embraced sexual hedonism. Unwin stated it this
way, “In human records there is no instance of a society retaining its energy
after a complete new generation has inherited a tradition which does not insist
on prenuptial and postnuptial continence.” Unwin
found that nations that valued traditional marriage and sexual abstinence were
creative and flourished. He described this as “cultural energy” that can only
be maintained when sexual activities remain restricted within marriage. We will concentrate our study of marriage in Genesis 2 as this passage of Scripture details the creation of man and woman and the institution of marriage itself. There are many other Scriptures we could look at, including the teaching of Jesus and Paul, but even those teachings always refer back to this creation ordinance of Genesis 2. The Creation and Vocation of Man Before the Fall Genesis 1:26-28 26 Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” 27 So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. 28 Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”[1] Genesis 2:15-25 15 Then the Lord God took the man and put
him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it. 16 And the Lord God commanded the man,
saying, “Of every tree of the garden you may freely eat; 17 but
of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day
that you eat of it you shall surely die.” 18 And the Lord God
said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper
comparable to him.” 19 Out of the ground the Lord God formed
every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to
see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature,
that was its name. 20 So Adam gave names to all cattle, to
the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was
not found a helper comparable to him. 21 And the Lord God
caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs,
and closed up the flesh in its place. 22 Then the rib which
the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the
man. 23 And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones And
flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.”
24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be
joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And
they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. Think it over. What
are some things that immediately strike you about these passages? Observations about
the Creation of Adam and Eve Both Adam and Eve, man and woman, were created in the image of God:
They were both given the mandate, the purpose in life of bearing His image in the world by ruling over it in righteousness:
Both Adam and Eve were responsible to obey God’s commands by submitting their wills to His will and their purposes to His purpose:
Another aspect of God’s will for man was that he should have a companion. The Need for a
Companion 18 And the Lord God
said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper
comparable to him.” 19 Out of the ground the Lord God formed
every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to
see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature,
that was its name. 20 So Adam gave names to all cattle, to
the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was
not found a helper comparable to him. Think it over. Why do
you think God brought all the animals before Adam? Note the order of events:
God first declared that it was not good for Adam to be alone and He would make
a helper for him, and then brings the animals to him. What did God do to
meet Adam’s need for a helper/companion? See verses 21-23. The Creation of Marriage Genesis 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. In Genesis 2:24, God established, for all time, the institution of marriage. And He didn’t leave man without instruction concerning marriage. In this passage alone we can find at least six principles or laws that God laid down for Adam and Eve, and for all people who would descend from them. These six principles are:
We’ll begin with a look at the role distinctions of the husband and wife. 1. Husbands, be the
head. 2. Wives, be the
helper. If we want to have good, healthy marriages, we need to follow the divine blueprint for marriage by taking up the roles the God gave us in marriage. Adam and Eve were created equal in value, dignity, worth, and significance. But Adam and Eve were not interchangeable. They both had distinct roles assigned to them by God, their Maker. Adam was the head, Eve was the helper. Adam bore the responsibility before God to lead Eve, in a God-honoring manner, to sacrificially love her by protecting and providing for her well-being. Eve bore the responsibility to voluntarily submit to Adam’s leadership, to support his authority, and to work alongside him in their common purpose of bringing glory to God. Most marriage problems today would disappear if we took seriously these creation ordinances of Genesis 2. Think it over. Are you
at all uncomfortable with your role in your marriage? Our marriages will suffer to the extent to which we evade our God-given marital responsibilities. What about the wife who says her husband won’t lead their family in a godly way? 1 Peter 3:1-2. 1 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Think it over. What is
God’s will for the wife of a man who isn’t obedient to God? So the wife is still responsible for her God-given role even if her husband is not being responsible for his role. But, in most cases, a marriage that’s falling short of God’s plan is usually due to a husband who isn’t leading his family as God commands. Many men choose to focus their energies on their careers or hobbies or anything other than their families. As husbands, we’re responsible for what goes on in our homes because we are the head of our homes. The head of any entity is always the one who bears ultimate responsibility. When a nation faces some great crisis, it’s the head of that nation who is responsible to for what happens. When a sports team fails to win any games, it’s the coach who is held responsible. It’s a truism of any area of society. And man is the head of the marriage because God man the woman out of man to be his helper, not his head. Genesis 2:23, “And Adam said: ‘This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.’ ” The woman should not be picking up the mantle of headship in the home, but too often she feels compelled to because the man has laid it down. Ephesians 5:28-29. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. Think it over.
Husbands, what are some ways we can exercise godly headship in our families?
[Meet her needs first: spiritually, physically, emotionally, etc.] 3. Leave all other
loyalties behind. Verse 24: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother. . . .” Look just at that first word for a moment: “Therefore” = affirmation of divine institution. Marriage is no merely human custom: · It isn’t the end-product of millennia of social development · It doesn’t change with the passing of time · It doesn’t change with the evolution of cultures · It’s not subject to the ebb and flow of morality · It’s not subject to the political debates of our legislators, who presume in their great wisdom to redefine it. No, marriage is a divinely ordered institution, defined… · for all cultures · for all people ·
for all time, by God Himself. Think it over. Why do
you think God chose marriage to be the divine cornerstone of human society? Think it over. Why do
you think God wanted children to be brought into this world in the context of a
loving marriage rather than as the result of a cheap one-night stand of two
people who can’t be bothered by a commitment to one another? “A man shall leave [forsake] his father and mother….” This is a very strong word. It is the idea of the breaking of a covenant relationship (Ps 22:1; Jer 1:16). How can we reconcile this with the 5th Commandment, “Honor your father and your mother” (Ex 20:12)? Sons are not to turn their backs on their parents, but rather they are to leave the authority of their parents in order to establish a new authority of their own. That’s God’s plan. The son is to establish a new headship in his own family. His parents cannot function as a surrogate head for him. It is the husband who is called by God in Ephesians 5:28 to love his wife as he loves his own body. His parents cannot do that for him. So this leaving of his parents’ authority is not so much an expression of radical desertion of one’s parents as it is an expression of radical loyalty to one’s wife. The parent-child relationship is temporary, but the husband-wife relationship is permanent—“till death do us part.” 4. Be absolutely
loyal to your mate. Verse 24: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Forsake or leave = breaking of a covenant relationship. Join, cleave, or cling = active loyalty to a covenant relationship. Deuteronomy 10:20, “You shall fear the Lord your God; you shall serve Him, and to Him you shall hold fast [or, cling], and take oaths in His name.” Deuteronomy 13:4, “You shall walk after the Lord your God and fear Him, and keep His commandments and obey His voice, and you shall serve Him and hold fast [or, cling] to Him.” Being joined to one’s wife is rules out:
Think it over. Why is
loyalty in marriage so important? 5. Be a companion to
your mate. “. . . and they shall become one flesh.” The sexual union between husband and wife only symbolizes their greater union Think it over. In what
ways does a husband and wife become united? [a union of spirits, of emotions,
of intellects, of common interests, goals, plans, and hopes.] These other unions are to precede and enhance our sexual union. There is to be a companionship long before a sexual union takes place. This companionship is God’s answer to the loneliness we have
all felt: “And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I
will make him a helper comparable to him’ ” (Gen 2:18). But marriage won’t be
an answer to loneliness if we don’t understand that one of the basic
obligations of marriage is to be the answer to our mate’s need for genuine
companionship. Think it over. What is
the purpose of marriage? Marriage is not intended to be a self-centered means of meeting my own needs. When we think this way, divorce becomes an option and all too often a reality. Firstly, God created marriage to reflect His glory in our marriage and, secondly, as a way for us to meet the needs of our mate. 6. Work together for
the glory of God. “. . . and they shall become one flesh.” 21 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. 22 Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. God made Eve from one of Adam’s ribs. In marriage, a man and woman are becoming what Adam and Even once were—one flesh with one mandate, one purpose, one calling—to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. “One flesh” refers to the entire life-union of the couple, of which sexual intercourse is the unique realization and expression. The essential moral problem with nonmarital sexual intercourse is that it performs a life-uniting acts without a life-united intent, thus violating its intrinsic meaning. Ephesians 5:22-33 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Think it over. Why are
Christian wives to submit to the headship of their husbands in the role of a helper? [The
Christian wives become to the world a visible demonstration of the submission
of the church to her husband, Christ.] 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. Think it over. Why is
it important for a Christian husband to take up the mantle of headship in his
home—to be absolutely loyal to his wife, to rejoice in her, to cling to her, to
be her companion, to nourish her in God’s Word, and cherish her as his own
body? [Because only in this way do we as husbands become a visible
demonstration to the world of the sacrificial love of Christ for His
bride.] 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Our marriages are to be a reflection, not of our own self-centeredness, but of the divine plan of redemption in which sinners, who were once lost and alienated from God by their sin, are reunited as one flesh, one body with Him. This brings God great glory and pleasure. Think it over. Is your
marriage reflecting the glory of God? Anything less is an affront to His
holiness and a perversion of His perfect design for marriage. What about Gen 2:25? And they were both naked, the man and his
wife, and were not ashamed. Between the man and his wife in their perfect union there was yet no guilt, there was yet no hiding, no blaming, no alienation, no conflict. But verse 25 is an anticipation of what’s about to come, an anticipation of the indelible shame into which the whole human race would soon be plunged. It’s the last gasp of innocence, the last trace of perfection in the garden of Eden. |
